What are the terms of the agreement? You know, the agreement of life. Funny thing…I’ve looked through lots of papers, books, articles, and the Bible. Yet, there are no real terms of agreement for life, are there?
We are born. We live. We make choices. We have joys. We have sadness. We celebrate. We struggle. We die. No rule book to tell us how to do it all just right. You have sex, you might get pregnant. You drink or use drugs, you might become an alcoholic or an addict. You love, you might lose. You live, you will die.
There are laws of the land in which we live that we must follow, or pay the consequences. There are laws of God we should follow for a life that will be pleasing to our creator, according to the Bible. There are moral codes we follow naturally because it feels like the right thing–it must be how we were wired. Yet, there are no hard and fast rules in our agreeing to be alive in this world. There really are no ‘secrets of success’ that will work for everyone. So we are left with this truth–Life is to be lived fully, as well as we can live in each moment. Life is to be lived showing respect and love for our fellow human beings. But there was no agreement we signed, no Book of Rules by which we agreed to live. And so, we do the best we can, we screw up, we hurt people, we hurt ourselves, we love people, we learn to love ourselves, and with any luck we have made a difference in the world in which we are living.
Death is so final, isn’t it? Or is it? For those of us still walking around down on the ground, losing someone we love is terribly final feeling. There are lots of wonderful studies that explain why we feel what we feel, I suppose, but to me it’s just a part of how we are wired. We don’t really have to understand it. It’s just sad. I feel sadness. No one has told me to feel this way, any more than they told me to feel joy and ‘happy’ when I hear good news.
I am really trying to deal with my wiring today. Such a mixture of emotions in my life. Happy for finding someone I had lost. Sad for losing someone I love. Sad for lots of people losing someone they love. I am weary of hearing great minds try to explain why I feel like I do. It’s very simple for me: I feel.
We all feel. That is how we were created, how we were wired…to feel. I encourage you to feel whatever emotion you notice welling up within you. I encourage you to embrace joy fully, sadness completely. We are born. We live. We die. Emilee was born. Emilee LIVED. Emilee died. I feel sadness…for sisters who are now two instead of three, for parents who are one short of their original family, for grandparents who thought they were to die first, for friends who thought they were just having fun, for addicts who haven’t found their way to safe ground. I feel anger…for substances that make us feel invincible, for humans who would rather punish instead of rehabilitate, for people who will judge actions they cannot understand. I feel joy…for a body freed from its pain, for a mind freed of its confusion, for a beautiful soul that has brought light into so many lives.
In my own life today, I have experienced utter joy with a gift unexpected and utter sadness at the loss of a life so precious. Today, I am feeling. I am feeling lots of emotions. And at this very moment, I’m just so damn thankful I am here to feel! I loved you, sweet Emilee. Thank you for never stopping trying to be who you believed you could be!